Sex, Friendship and Love
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It amazes and dismays me at times to once again notice how very willing people are to show the lacks that exist within their own lives. Every time a person says, "I love you" when what they are really feeling is nothing more than sexual or physical attraction, then they are telling the world (whether or not the world is listening) that they are willing to accept a counterfeit for the real thing. The truth is, love itself has nothing to do with sex or physicality. It is a stronger, deeper relationship than friendship....real friendship, that is. To love someone means that you know them enough to know that you respect them, care about them, appreciate them for the person they are right this moment. It means that you are your love's friend as well as emotionally loving them, too. You will do what you can to act in their best interests and promote, not just their well-being, but their personal actualization as well. We know these concepts, the concepts of love and friendship. What I have just said is not something new. But it is certainly something that is hard to find. Why don't we reach for the truth of these relationships? What makes us so easily satisfied by lesser, and often illusory counterfeits? Why are our cultural standards so low that we constantly, continually and blatantly equate sex/lust/physical attraction with love? Why not call them what they are? Why do we, as a society, (apparently) demand that the robust and full depths of friendship and love be demeaned, bedraggled and brought so low? Let me give you an example. I myself am fat, but I share a place with my best friend, Alex, and her daughter, both of whom are thin and good-looking, simply by their genetic heritage. Such a living arrangement has allowed me to see an interesting variety of human behaviors, problems and downright turmoil. Bet you wouldn't have thought it, but both fat women and thin women have the same trouble finding satisfying relationships with men. Men reject those who are heavy because they don't fit the definition of physical attractiveness...and for no other reason. Many men won't even interact with heavy women if they can avoid it. On the converse, men actively seek out women who fit the societal definition of physical attractiveness...simply because they see them as physically attractive and for no other reason. Both Alex and her daughter have had a terrible time with men coming on to them, while at the same time being totally disinterested in the 'who' of them...the men were there for the pretty packaging and nothing more. "Sexy" or not, in neither case is a woman first seen for who she is. In both cases overwhelmingly strong prejudices towards the packaging damage any possibility of building a real relationship. (You can't build a relationship with just a body.....unless perhaps if you are into necrophilia.) Now, don't think I'm slamming just the guys, here. Woman can do the same thing to men in reverse, although it is not as prevalent from what I have observed. Women, however, do buy into that counterfeiting of the concepts of love and friendship, too. It just tends to come out a tad more subtly. Think about this. Do you, yourself, want to be wanted and cared for as a complete person? Is being nothing more than an animated manikin really how you want to be seen by your "lover"? If you are normal, the answer is, of course not! But by having others define you through your level of physical attractiveness and then react to you in light of that definition automatically attacks your own self-evaluation and self-esteem. Social interactions have tremendous impact on us all, whether or not we recognize they do, or even that they exist. This is only one example. Our societal laxness in maintaining the integrity of social concepts such as love and friendship causes wounds and opens us to greater and greater levels of vulnerability to social attacks from others. By tolerating the degradation and misuse of the words, we are effectively degrading and misusing the concepts themselves. Perhaps it's time to do some cleaning up. Eh? |