Text and Artwork:
Copyright © 2009 Beth E Peterson.
All rights reserved.
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Manipulation occurs on a continuum, ranging from healthy social influence to the extremes found in
abusive families, within cultic groups and in totalitarian governments. In short, some relationships
or groups are more controlling and manipulative than others. Even so, manipulation itself relies on three
foundation factors.
The Factors Involved
The factors and effects involved in manipulation, especially large-scale manipulation of one person
against another or others, is quite complex. There are the aspects and traits each of us have
as humans which allows manipulation to occur. There are the tools that manipulators use against us, and there
is the time it takes one person to manipulate another when they are engaged in a relationship.
These are the 3T's of manipulation:
Toeholds (which allow manipulation to occur),
Techniques (tools), and Time.
 TOP
Toeholds are those characteristics within ourselves which make us vulnerable to manipulation. They fall within six main areas:
Our Physical Being
Will and Expressions
Imagination
Memory
Thought
Emotion
Have you ever been tired enough that when the kids hound you for pizza, you give in? That is an example of the traits of your physical body
being used by others to manipulate you....
Have you ever known how another person was feeling simply through their body language or tone of voice?
This is something we all do as a matter of course; we recognize (even if only on a subconscious level) that
people communicate in a huge number of ways. These expressions of self are signals we are
constantly sending out can be used by a manipulator....
Have you ever found yourself believing another person, just because what they told you was something you
were really hoping for? And oh-oh! How many times do we make excuses? Loads! But sometimes when we excuse something or rationalize something, whether about
ourself or another person, we are not noticing and stopping a manipulative ploy or attack. These are
examples of imagination as an opening for manipulation....
Have you ever walked into a situation where you felt like a little kid again...and not in a good way? If this has happened to you...and
it does happen to almost all of us...then someone has accessed your template of child-status. Or in
other words, you were just dropped into those same feelings and even attitudes that you had as a child. Believe it or
not, this is a weapon a lot of manipulators aim for. And here's a biggie! Our ability to learn
is one of the easiest toeholds to access. Our memories are also vulnerable because they are fluid;
they change over time as our own perceptions and interpretations change....
How many times have you been influenced by another person's thoughts? The number will be too many to count. From
thoughts about the way the country is run to which is the best way to fry an egg, we listen to and are influenced
by other people's thoughts and concepts. This is generally a good thing, but when we aren't careful, a
manipulator will use this everyday process to steer you wherever they want you. Remember ever having been pressured by your peer group into doing something you weren't sure about? That is
an example of the idea that contact equals influence. A manipulator uses it even more subtly....
Have you ever noticed that our emotional state seems tied to everything else? For example, when
you're fatigued for a long time, it can be easy to slip into sadness. Or have you ever listened to music that just got you bouncing? Or a speaker that really roused you? These are forms of emotional ecstacies. They and
the positive emotions can also be used to lead you down the garden path.
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Techniques are the manipulative tools used by a manipulator to take control over their targeted victims. They fall within three main areas:
Environment
Information
Ideology
Have you ever found yourself feeling pressured to do something because everyone around is doing it?
That is an example of how your environment can influence you. Are you aware of how many different environments you
move through in a single day? More than you may realize. Each of those environments is a potential place of manipulative attack....
Have you ever heard the saying, "Information Is Power"? It is more true than many of us know.
Have you ever been misinformed about a relationship, and chosen a direction you might not have gone otherwise?
This happens often enough in regular circumstances; in the hands of a manipulator, it becomes a powerful weapon.
In your profession or hobbies, do you use jargon? Words that mean something different than
in usual conversation? (If I told you I was firing in a reducing atmosphere, would you have a clue
what I was talking about? Probably only if you are a potter. *wink*) Jargon is normal; we accept it without
much thought. Manipulators, however, use jargon to influence and drive their victims. Each of the above is a possible
avenue for manipulation through information....
Do you think world peace is a good idea? The majority of us will probably say a resounding 'yes!'...but
in the hands of a manipulator, such worthy ideas and goals are nothing more than tools. Do you like the feeling that you are special? That you are part of something wonderful? Such ideas are part of the drawing in process and
the manipulative tool of Us vs Them. What happens when your boss says, 'do it my way or else'? You will definitely feel a pressure to
conform to their requirements. Such pressure can be applied in many ways... When you have gotten to a certain point in a manipulative relationship, the manipulator will use the
tool of ideology to break your internal strength down even further by 'showing' you that you are 'wrong' or 'mistaken'.
Have you ever felt that you haven't measure up? That you just weren't good enough at something? Such feelings and
experiences also become weapons in the hands of a manipulator.
TOP
Time refers to how our Toeholds and the manipulator's Techniques act together through Time to draw in the manipulator's victim. There are six stages in this process of Time:
Softening Up
Compliance
Identification
Consolidation
Disaffiliation
Recovery
Have you ever seen an ad? Read a book? Talked to a stranger while waiting for
an airplane? Gone on a date? Then you may have already entered the softening up phase
with a manipulator....
Do you ever do something you wouldn't do otherwise, because someone asked you to? Many of us will.
A manipulator knows this and works on their targeted victim's politeness and willingness in order to
draw them deeper into the relationship....
Do you sometimes identify yourself through another person or through a group? For example, 'Hi, I'm Joe, Mary's
husband' or 'I'm part of the XYZ organization'? In a manipulative relationship, this is part of the manipulator's plan....
People can be manipulated to the point of identifying themself primarily or solely
through their relationship with the ultra-authority. Their own sense of identity as an individual
has been destroyed....
Nothing of the old you remains; you are now about what the manipulator wants. This is the
stage of the relationship that most extreme manipulators are aiming for: complete control
over their targeted victim....
Have you ever 'dumped' somebody? It is much harder to leave a relationship you've been manipulated into, but it can
be done....
For someone who has disaffiliated from a manipulator, there are often some very serious concerns which
must be met right away. Personal safety, food, clothing, shelter and financial assets have often been
stripped out of the control of the individual. There are also long-term effects:
recovering from such levels of manipulation takes time, a great deal of effort, and understanding of what happened to you.
People Who Play God, talks
about these factors and also gives examples of how they work in the real world.
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