Encompassing and Growing Beyond What Life Throws You
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Life throws us curve balls. Some of us run into ultra-authorities. Some of us run into cancer. Some of us grow up with disabilities. Some of us look or live differently than others, and so on. Yesterday, I was talking with a friend about the difficulties life can hand people. In talking about a specific person, I said that he was well on his way to encompassing and going beyond the difficult situation that life had thrown his way.....And that got me to thinking. What exactly did I mean? How do you encompass a difficulty?
Encompassing the problem or difficulty takes place in four stages: self-knowledge, self-understanding, self-acceptance, and self-appreciation. Once a person has reached self-appreciation, they are then moving beyond the difficulty...it has become a problem no longer.
Self-Knowledge: This is the beginning; before you can do something about a problem or difficulty, you have to know -- or in other words, recognize -- that it is there. And further, you must begin to apply yourself to searching out the facts of your situation, your difficulty. In terms of ultra-authority, this would mean that you would need to begin gathering the factual information regarding coercive relationships. You will also need to gather factual information on your particular ultra-authority.It is during this stage that you must come to be able to distinguish between what you have been taught the problem or difficulty may be, and what it actually is. It is this external knowledge, then, which will lead to your ability to know what your part in the difficulty actually was. And, often more importantly, what it was not. This, then, is self-knowledge in this area.
Self-Understanding: Reaching down, deeper than the facts of the matter, is that gut-understanding of the difficulty. Where you come, not just to know it intellectually, but you grow into knowing it with your emotions. Your knowledge-base transcends simple book-learning. You can put away the books...and still know exactly what and how and when. Your understanding allows you to see past the books.And again, as you master the understanding of the difficulty, you will grow to understand yourself in relationship with the difficulty. You will find, at least in this area, self-understanding.
Self-Acceptance: You cannot completely and fully accept what you do not know and understand. It is an impossibility. Oh, you can try and play the part, you may even be growing towards full acceptance, but, it still remains. You must know and understand before you can accept. Otherwise, you are only accepting illusions or images....And what good is that to you?First, you must accept that the difficult exists. It is what it is. It was what it was. You may not agree with it....you may think that your particular difficulty is the greatest evil to walk the face of the earth. But you must accept it's reality. After accepting that the difficulty was exactly what it was, it is time to accept that you were exactly who you were in relationship to the difficulty. You must accept that you were being you when the ultra-authority caught you. You must accept that you were caught. You must accept that this difficulty found you....and most importantly, you must accept that the experience of dealing with this difficulty is now a part of you forever. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying you'll stay a victim to this difficulty forever. I am saying that simply through moving through this set of experiences you will inevitably be changed...hopefully for the good.
Self-Appreciation: It is finding the good that is the seat and core of learning to appreciate yourself in the difficult circumstances that life dealt you. Oh, the difficulty may have been hell, but it is often just through such difficult situations that we come to actually shine. So it is that we can come to appreciate the things we've been through, no matter how ugly, no matter how painful. And, hand in hand, we can also come to appreciate our selves: for our courage, our resilience, our growth as a person, our strength, our perseverance, and so on.......And that's a might fine feeling!
Growing Beyond: Just as the water of the puddle grew up and around the rock...through the four stages above we can grow to encompass those curve balls that life throws at us. And once those four stages are completed, we are fully free to develop ourselves in other areas, free to explore without baggage, free to exist as complete and whole individuals.And that is growing beyond. |
